Posted by Jamie Buckland on Thursday, September 8, 2011
Band on my finger, husband by my side, family all complete...I had #2 carefully planned out in my mind.  I knew what needed to take place in order to get my life back into balance.

Well, the myth about it only takes one time and you can become pregnant?  As it turns out, that really isn't much of a myth.

Greg and I found out he would soon father his first biological child on the Friday of Labor Day weekend in 2002.  Ethan would turn 2 years old that following November.

We got engaged about a month after finding out and started planning the wedding of a pregnant bride's dreams...

He called it off after about 2 weeks of planning.

We split up and were off and on until I was about 8 months pregnant.

At 18 weeks, we found out we were having a girl, and also found out I have, what some doctors call, a short cervix.  They put me on modified bed rest and told me take it pretty easy to ensure I carried her till the end.  Not too much to ask of a single mom, right?

My parents were a huge help, of course, which left me feeling even more worthless.

Greg, however, wasn't around much.  He had a racecar to tend to, and honestly, I think being around us was just too much on the poor guy.  There is a reason God has an intended way folks. 

At 35 weeks, I had been getting "checked" at every single appointment, and was going every 2 weeks since 18 weeks.

The midwife I had loved with Ethan finally started to question why they were checking and messing with a cervix they were fearful couldn't hold out?  So, they stopped it with the checking and messing.  The midwife mentioned I could probably go back to work part time, well, for a single mom with no income, that sounded really good.  So, I went back to work with US Cellular, I had been on short-term disability, at the small kiosk in Wal-Mart.  I worked for about 4 weeks until I had had enough of that.

I had moved into an apartment down the road from where Greg lived, thinking it would be easier for him to make some time for us.  It didn't really work out that way, although, after constant nagging and harassing, he did finally mention we should maybe get married before Emma was born.  Could it have been because I swore she wouldn't be a Buckland unless I was a married woman?  Um, probably.  So on a Tuesday we decided to get married on that Sunday.  And there we stood, two miserable people promising to forever.  He felt trapped, and of course I finally felt like an honest woman.  I had the band, the husband, that meant balance, right? 

Wrong.  We were far from joy, and very far from balance.

We got married on April 6th, and Emma was born on May 3rd.

I made it to 41 weeks, and on her due date, May 2nd, the midwife did me the favor of stripping my membranes.  VERY painful I must say, but I was ready to be done.  I had been dilated to a 4 when I went into my appointment and she told me I should start feeling crampy that evening and to come in around 7:30 for her to break my water and get us going.

We went and had lunch, ran a few errands, and went back to the apartment.  I tried to nap and relax, because I just knew it was going to be a very long and hard NATURAL labor.

Finally I started feeling some pretty good contractions, so we took Ethan to my parents and headed into the hospital.

I was at a 6 by the time we were settled in, and an hour later, she went ahead and broke my water.  It wasn't bad at all that time, I'm guessing not being shocked had a lot to do with that.

Hours would go by, contractions were strong and hard, yet I had been at an 8 for quite some time.  The midwife informed me Emma was posterior, her face was up, and unless I could relax and let my pelvis do some more separating, we were going to be stuck with getting an epidural in order to relax enough for her to move down.

I cried and pleaded knowing I did not want an epidural, however, they had me hooked up to all the monitors, so there was no getting up and moving around to get her to turn on her own.  I asked for one hour, and I would try my best to relax.  Greg just cried and begged me to go ahead, but I knew I didn't want the epidural this time.

The hour came and went and Emma hadn't budged.

My midwife patted my hand and assured me it was the best thing, looking back, because of being unable to get up and move around, I guess it was the best option.  However, knowing what I know now, it all could have been MUCH different.

So, with the epidural, you have no choice but to relax.  Three hours later, they wake me up telling me she had turned and I was ready to push, and there you have it, one beautiful baby girl.

That was 8 1/2 years ago, and Emma is definitely one-of-a-kind.  Her and Ethan have given me more joy as a mother than I could have ever imagined.

However, I've never looked back at my pregnancies without the feeling of shame.  I wanted one the right way.  Many years would go by before the Lord would see fit to answer that prayer, and I've got to spend the last 9 months experiencing pregnancy in a totally different way.

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Jamie Buckland
Jamie Buckland
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