Now that that is out of the way

Posted by Jamie Buckland on Thursday, September 8, 2011
So, do you feel caught up on all my baggage?  Good.  You should.  Let's get caught up to this past January, and then I can finally start sharing about our planned home birth!

Ethan was turning 6 and Emma was 3 when we started discussing trying for another baby.  I was working a lot of hours with BeautiControl, and Greg had only been at Fibernet a few months, so we decided we'd be happy if it happened, but wouldn't stress.  We had not been using any methods of birth control since Emma was a year old.

In the summer of 07, about a year later, I started having lots of pain in my lower abdomen.  A trip to the OBGYN wouldn't give me many answers.  Possibly endometriosis, definitely some cyst issues, and that was about it.  They would like to actually do a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis, however, typically you have to have been actively trying for pregnancy for a full year before they do something so evasive.

So, we agreed we'd do just that.

Two months later, the pain was so bad I was having a hard time getting around.  Back to the doctor I go, and he prescribes me birth control pills to regulate hormones and to help with the pain.

Um, wait a second here, aren't I trying to have a baby?  I took the pills for 3 weeks and then just couldn't deal with it.  It would be the beginning of the emotional roller coaster of my bout with infertility.

One year, trying for a baby, we can do this.  So, we did.  The pain was bad, but I learned to manage it with naproxen and hot compresses and just worked through it.

The next year, I go back in expecting them to schedule the procedure to rule out endometriosis.

They suggest I lose weight and try for a year.

So, I lose some weight, however, I tore my ACL and ended up having it reconstructed in Jan of 09.  That put some of the makin' baby plans on hold, however, as soon as I could get up and get active.  I was back at it trying to lose the weight.

I had lost quite a bit of weight, but the pain had also subsided, so they didn't feel it was necessary to do the laparoscopy and suggested I actually invest in some ovulation kits and really start taking our trying seriously before they referred me to a specialist.

By this time I just felt like a failure.  How do you get knocked up twice when you're not supposed to, and then not be able to conceive a child after years of trying with your husband?

I started really keeping track of my days, taking my temperature, bought the ovulation kits, and thought for sure we would soon get good news.

In August of '10, I was at Ethan's football practice trying to jog around the track when I realized I couldn't do so without feeling the need to urinate.  That was strange for me.  I started having some heartburn, which had only happened before when I was pregnant.  My chest was sore and felt swollen.  I thought it had finally happened!

I took tests for a week with every one of them coming back negative.  But I just knew I was pregnant!

Finally, just before heading to the lake for the day, one of the tests gave me the positive I had been hoping for.

I scheduled an appointment to get it confirmed, but just knew our prayers had finally been answered.

Just for security, I took another test the next morning.  It was negative.  What?!?  How could this be?

Greg took time off and went to the Dr. with me and the kids, sure enough, I wasn't pregnant.  The doctor and nurse encouraged me by explaining sometimes you'll get a false positive, and that lots of infertile women will experience pregnancy symptoms when they are under emotional distress.  Great.  So, now I'm the whacko who faked her body into believing it was with child.  That's comforting.  They suggested I go on to see the specialist and weigh out our options.  I simply declined.

When we left there I told Greg I just couldn't do it anymore.  If we were meant to just have E n E, I was okay with that.  It honestly helped me to be more thankful for my past and the way they were conceived...had it been different, would I have been a pure bride and not have been a mother in my 20s?  I don't know, and try not to spend much time analyzing it, I just know that I'm thankful for God's blessings that are granted to us in the midst of our rebellion.

Then...on January 19th, 2011, I have a piece of homemade bread with butter for breakfast just before rushing out the door to Ethan's basketball game.  The heartburn was unbearable, instantly, my mind starts to entertain thoughts of a round belly, strollers, and diaper bags...but I just couldn't be, I knew better than to think such nonsense.

We went to Shoneys for lunch with my parents and then they took E n E home with them.  Greg had some work to do at his dads, so I headed home by myself.

Well, if I stopped and bought a test, and it was negative, no one would even have to know, right?

I bought 6.

I took 4 that day.

All 4 showed positive.

I was giddy.  All alone with noone to share my shrills with.  I tried calling my sister, no answer.  I called my best friend and told her the news.  She had just found out she was expecting about 3 months earlier and was ecstatic for me.

I decide to embroider some shirts for the kids to break it to them.  So, "I'm finally the big sister" for Emma, and "I'm the big brother again" for Ethan.

When the 3 of them get home, I bring Greg into the bathroom to video his reaction to the positive tests.  I guess the episode a few months before that had him skeptical, too, because he just said, "Ah, man, that'd be cool."

Um, rewind.  What they heck did you just say?  We've waited 4 years and you just said that WOULD be cool?!?

Not exactly how I had thought he would react, but I guess it really did start to sink in after that.

We bring the kids in to see their shirts, it takes them a minute, but finally they catch on and there is lots of laughter and questions as we begin our journey of baby #3.



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Jamie Buckland
Jamie Buckland
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