So, There Ya Have It

Posted by Jamie Buckland on Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Now, for a choice that could totally fall into the first part of my last post meaning I think there is room for two sides, the choice to birth at home.

A few weeks ago, on Facebook, I mentioned I had some crazy dreams after researching home births that day.  For the first time ever, I ended up deleting the post after it was met with such strong passion from two different sides.  I have to admit I had deleted an article and the aftermath drama from Facebook a year or so ago at the request of a friend, but never have I deleted a status update that stirred up some controversy.  After all, I think there is room for growth in controversy and happen to welcome it when it comes, not run from it fearful of the outcome.

This time it was different.  Emotions were too involved, and I didn't feel it was a debate or argument that could be won, so I did what I felt best...removed the drama.

But it definitely introduced me to the world of skepticism surrounding birthing at home.  And wowsa, what an introduction.

However, I've licked my wounds and did my research over the last few weeks and feel this is something I really want to share.  This blog has always been a place for me to share what I was currently learning about, or experiencing.  I've written about my marriage, my child rearing, my past, my convictions, my failures, why should I feel intimidated to write about the birth of my precious Elsie that I have been long awaiting?

So, I decided to write the post before this one to lay the law down that others may not agree with home birthing, and that is okay.  You may have good reason why you would NEVER do it, and that is okay.  I may list reasons why I am doing it that you do not agree with, and that is okay.  The fact is, Greg and I are planning for me to bring Elsie into this world right here in this very bedroom I am in right now, and I'm too darn excited about it to keep quiet, so I want to tell ya'll about it, mkay?

Alright, so over the next few weeks, I plan to just throw out some things that will answer the question, "Why are you choosing a home birth over a hospital birth?"

I think it is only fair to start from the beginning, and hopefully, as we wait for miss Elsie to arrive, I'll be able to post several different posts that will shed light on why it is we are choosing to birth at home.

The Beginning.

At 20 years old, November 3rd, 2000, with my sister Indy, my best friend Alicia, and my mama by my side, I gave birth to a 5 1/2 lb baby boy, Ethan Lane Cadle.

My prenatal care had been the best it could be when you go to every appointment alone, without a band on your finger, without a man by your side, without comfort, without peace, with a void as piercing as the heartburn that had plagued me from the beginning.  One midwife had been exceptionally gracious to me, and I was thankful for her.  At almost 38 weeks when they told me to go on bed rest, that I was showing signs of toxemia, I thought that meant I could still go to the grocery store and frolic around on my feet.  However, my ignorance landed me in the hospital being induced with full blown enlarged liver from preeclampsia in the middle of the night.  My dad took me in around midnight.  Do you know how that felt?  Awful.  My poor father, standing outside the exam room waiting to hear what he thought was going to be false labor, go home.  Instead he hears, must deliver soon, or both will die.

Induced labor was torture.  My body was toxic because of this little baby inside of me and needed to get him out in order to get better, but the baby and the body are supposed to determine when the baby comes out, and the unnatural methods of putting my body into labor would prove too much for a young, ignorant girl.

After hours of stadol, pitocin, cervidil, and misery, the Dr. comes in to check me.  Without telling me what he was about to do, he inserts a large crochet-needle-looking tool inside me and begins to poke around.  I start to crawl up the bed in pure shock, fear, and pain, screaming for him to stop.  His response, "Child, if you can't calm down for this simple procedure, then you're not woman enough to have this baby."

Well, he succeeded in breaking my water.  Good job Dr.

His ex-wife, and fellow OBGYN, came in a few moments later to hold my hand while they gave me my epidural.  She tried to comfort me as I cradled the pillow and felt the pinching in my back.  She apologized on his behalf stroking my hand and telling me to not pay him any attention.

Sad thing was, he was right.  I wasn't woman enough.  I was an ignorant child and I needed the nurses, the doctors, and my family to help me get this baby into the world.

A few hours of the epidural, talking, singing, laughing, resting, and I pushed twice before the Dr., a different one from before, announced, "He has your chin."

I was left with terrible headaches, shaking, confusion from not feeling like I was really at myself, and even more swollen from being pumped full of sugar water through my IV.  When I mentioned these things to the nurses, I was assured it was all normal side effects from the epidural.  In the years that followed, my lower back pain was dreadful.  Again, when I brought it up at my appointments, just a side effect of the epidural..  Hey, at least I missed out on the pain, right?

I had to be given magnesium to help ensure I didn't seizure from the blood pressure.  This meant no nursing for 2 days.  So, Ethan had to have a bottle from the beginning.  He was taken to the NICU and I didn't hold him for over a day.  We were released a few days later, and although I did kind of want to breastfeed, he just wanted that darn bottle.  So I tried pumping for a few weeks, and then that was the end of that.

So, there ya have it.

My first experience giving birth.  It can only go up from there, right?

Well, we shall see.  Check back in over the next few days as I tell the story of Emma Rae's journey into this world.

Disclaimer: I am not a home birthing advocate who is anti-hospital births.  I do not think you are awful if you choose a hospital birth.  I am well aware that there are plenty of hospital births that are natural, beautiful, and just what the woman wanted.  I know sometimes it is necessary to have a C-section, and I personally think it's disgusting if you're made to feel guilty for having had a C-section.  Don't let this be mistaken for a way to place guilt, this is my story, and I just want to share it.



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Jamie Buckland
Jamie Buckland
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